Confessions: Part III.

I pretty much have a hate-hate relationship with the scale. No, not just my scale. Honestly, ANY scale. For the longest time I didn't have a scale in my home, because I had found a way to move past my obsession with weighing myself. I would walk into the bathroom and want to step on the scale. Normal? No. But more common than you think.

Then, last January (2009) I joined a Biggest Loser contest with my local mommies group. And I needed a scale for weekly weigh-ins. Did I want to get one? No. Did I? Yes.

And for a while I'd weigh myself weekly and it would be the norm. A pound or two gained. A pound or two lost. So on and so forth. From January to April I lost about 10 lbs. Since then I have been involved in the same contest this year (2010) and sadly, didn't have much of a change. I also lost motivation somewhere along the way, and although I tend to weigh myself weekly, I also tend to get more discouraged each time I step on the scale.

I hate having that number as a motivating factor. I mean, I get it. I know why it is important, but at the same time, I fear falling into that old pattern of verifying my being by stepping on the scale each morning. So I tried something about a week ago that was a small reminder of how things used to be, and an even more important reminder of how fickle the scale can be, and why it's not always as important as I tend to think it is.

See, I'm technically considered obese. Do I like that? No. Do I feel that? Sometimes. Am I overweight? Absolutely. Do I want to do something to change it? Sometimes yes. Sometimes no. I want to be healthy. I want to feel good. I want to be strong, powerful, and me. I also would love to be thinner. Am I motivated enough to make it happen? Not nearly as motivated as I'd like to be, as I could be, and heck, maybe as I should be. But I need to remind myself I'm only human. I'm me. I need to be me, Somehow I'll get to where I'm going. I don't know when, don't know how. But I need to recognize that numbers on a small battery-operated square do not constitute all of who I am.

And, now, for my experiment. Last week I did weigh myself daily. (Gasp! I know. It scared me, too!) And look at what happened:

August 10: +5.8lbs after vacation (yikes!) and what turned out to be pms-time (double yikes!)
August 11: -0.2lbs
August 12: -1.2lbs
August 13: -0.6lbs
August 14: +1.6lbs

What does all of that mean? Well, not much. It just goes to show that within 5 days my body weight can fluctuate like you'd never guess it would be. I mean, did I really gain 1.6 lbs overnight? Probably not. Was it around that time of the month? Sure. Did I eat something crazy salty? Sure, why not? Point being? Our bodies may have a standard weight, and we're bound to notice that weight varies depending on the moment we step on that scale. Is it consistent? I don't know. I can step on four times in a given morning and weigh between 1-4 pounds different then when I first stepped on. Point taken. Just goes to show that the scale is not the only way to monitor your well-being. And sometimes it's OK to say SHOVE IT! and move ahead, on your own, simply being you.

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