Dear Jacka$$ ...

** I honestly feel really horrible about using Shell's new and pretty PYHO button for this post, but I am going to do so, anyway. And I am also considering linking up for Throat Punch Thursday, as soon as I find the right button for it. Because if anyone needs a throat punch it's this asshole. **

Dear Jackass,

Thanks so much for ramming into our car. You know - the one that was sitting RIGHT IN FRONT OF OUR HOUSE? Yeah, that's the one.

I'd like to replay my morning so far for you. See, my husband woke me up this morning, as he was leaving for work.

Him: I need you to wake up.
Me: NNnnuh.
Him: Someone hit the car.
Me: WHAT THE FLETCH?
Me, again: I'm up. I'm up.

So not only did you ruin my morning's slumber, but you fecked up our new car. Bastard.

See, we got a new vehicle a few weeks ago. A new-used one. But new for us, ya know? Right now we have three cars. I know - one driver, three cars - but it's temporary, I promise. Why am I explaining myself to you? Oh, I don't know. That's just the kind of girl I am. I like to be honest with people. Like them to know who they're dealing with.

Obviously you know nothing of this honesty I speak of. But I digress ...

So my husband goes out to leave for work and it appears that someone did a U-turn or something in front of our house and backed into OUR CAR!

WTF? Why would you do that?

Did you not recognize that there is a cul-de-sac like a few inches down the road? Or that street that intersects with ours, that you could have used to turn around on as there are NO CARS PARKED OVER THERE, EVER. It's an intersection. USE IT.

So listen, you know that you didn't just hit us, right? I mean, you hit us, but you also busted your taillight enough so that there is a huge chunk of it sitting on the ground on the street. I mean, it was RIGHT NEXT TO our car. We filed a police report but lucky fecker that you are, they can't tell anything from the chunk-o-light that was left behind.

My husband is really quite calm but not me. I want to find you. I really do. Whether you're the person who delivers those random newspapers that don't have much purpose, or someone else who visits our 'hood on occasion. I'm seriously contemplating calling the newspaper to let them know that we think it might be you. Yeah - you, you jackass. G-d, why are you looking at ME that way? I'm not the one who hit someone's car and ran! Oh, yes, regardless of whether it was the middle of the night or during the day, it's still a hit-and-run, schmuck. You should know better.

Who DOES that? I mean, seriously.

So this is just a note to say thank you. Yeah, thanks for ruining my day. For messing up our vehicle. And for just plain pissing me OFF.

Oh, yeah, and stay tuned - you fucker. Because karma is a bitch. And she's waiting for you. Somewhere. When you least expect her. She'll find you. And she'll pay you back.

Bastard.

Yours in the sweetest affection,

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