Is that horrible of me?
I love spending time with my child. I do. I truly do.
But some days -- like today most especially (as I write this it is Tuesday. I will post it on Wednesday).
But she pushes my buttons like nobody else. She tests limits that she knows I have set for her. For us. For our family and our home.
And yes. I know that she is four years old. And really, what can one expect from a four-year-old, exactly?
Oh, I don't know. Maybe the sense to leave me alone for a minute when I ask her to STOP BLOWING BUBBLES AT MY HEAD. ESPECIALLY WHILE I AM ON THE COMPUTER.
Any guesses as to when that happened? *If you said right this second you'd be a winner. But I have no prize. Honestly, the caplock was a dead giveaway, right?*
So I'm tired. And I'm twitchy. And I just want a few minutes alone.
And yeah, sometimes I think to myself it would make sense to pop her into preschool right about now. And I'd love to, but spending that money while I sit home on my behind just doesn't make that much sense. For me. For us. But I should look into something. There has to be something that can give us that perfect balance of time together and time apart.
That perfect frame of our day where I don't find myself saying something like, SERIOUSLY? Again with the scissors and random paper pilings all over the living room floor?
Again?
Sigh.
Small things set me off. But alas, I am only human. I am a mother. A good one. But I'm also entitled to moments of bad mommy mode. When I just want to lock myself in the bathroom with a good book or a trashy magazine filled with celebrity gossip, or hide out in the kitchen with a piece or two or ten of chocolate. Which reminds me, my husband picked up some Dove bars on his way home last night. I hid them in the fridge. How could I forget?
Hang on chocolate treats, Mama's coming!
p.s. Please remind me to find a place to hide that awful baby doll stroller that used to live in the garage until she saw it. Because not only does the sound of the thing on the hardwoods drive me to want to drink but Dexter, our dog? Hates that friggin thing with a passion only puppies in their mid-60s could have.
I hear you on needed a buffer. I need a buffer too.
ReplyDeleteI fail miserably one on one for too long.
I won't feel bad about that if you won't.
Aww momma, We all have days like this! Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteYou're normal. My oldest daughter is the mother of my 2 grandsons. 9 and 10 years old. She told me she recently told her oldest son the same thing I had said to her at times.. " I love you to pieces but I don't like you right now." She said she remembered that and at a young age, she got it. Sometimes she didn't like me either but she loved me. Sometimes we do push each other's buttons.
ReplyDeleteI hear you. That's why I put the twins in a little mother's day out program 2 mornings a week. I needed some time for me. Even though I typically use that entire time doing errands, I get a few runs in too ;-)
ReplyDeleteI am really enjoying my three hours two mornings a week. They are even more valuable since naps have ended.
ReplyDeleteI hope you found a great hiding place.
I sometimes need to step away from my kids when they are doing things like this. I go in the bathroom and lock the door. I get up and move away from where they are.
ReplyDeleteB/c mama needs a time out sometimes. At least, this mama does.
What about long walks in the morning or afternoon or both...tired her out! Get so fresh air. Make a game of it.
ReplyDeleteThis might sound silly but remember I'm not a parent. Wish I could help! Love you! :)
I'm with Shell, sometimes Mommy does just need a time out. When I do, I put the baby in the crib and shut the door, and go lie down on my bed. If the toddler comes in, at least I'm lying down!!
ReplyDeleteI take a mommy time out too! I put mine in his room for a few minutes while I compose myself so that I don't react.
ReplyDeleteThis is a great post. I think we all have felt that way. I feel that way a lot.
ReplyDeletePreschool is just as much about the parent as it is the child. Do it. She will love it.
I can so relate!! I was praying for the day my youngest would start school, he is a button pusher! He could go so far as to make me cry by the end of my night. You need time to yourself! I think SO many Moms can relate!
ReplyDeleteFound you on Things You Can't Say's PYHO! I link up there too! THANKS SHELL!
I often have times where I need to step away from my kids. I love them to death, but I also need to be my own person and take a breather. We all need it!
ReplyDeleteI think if we are all honest with ourselves we all have these moments. I know that I have to step into another room when I feel like I'm going to loose it.
ReplyDeleteHang in there.