Stare at my flesh. Bare.
She looks up at me. Smile wide.
"Mommy, I see your booty." I laugh.
"Yes, I know." She starts stripping off her clothes.
"Can we both take a shower?" I nod, slightly.
Her bare skin unblemished. Taut over her tiny belly.
The recent doctor's visit far from her mind.
But not my own.
His words ring in my ear.
If she wants seconds give her vegetables.
Cut back on sweets.
Especially at nighttime.
Get her more active.
Isn't she active, I think to myself.
Haven't we done well?
Haven't I?
For now she thinks stepping on a scale measures how tall she is. Or how big.
She rarely sees me do it. For me it's once a week.
This is new.
Will she ask? Have questions? I'm sure.
My answers? I hope for them to be open and honest. Real.
True.
I hold open the shower door.
Test the water temperature.
She steps in.
One last look in the mirror and I sigh.
The water splashes on her and she laughs.
"Come on, Mommy."
"I'm coming," I reply.
And I step in.
Slowly.
With hopes that she never loses this innocence.
Never gains a new understanding.
Perhaps I'll lose my own.
She can teach me.
We can move forward.
Together.
You're doing great Andrea. Keep your focus, soon you'll have gorgeous spring days to walk outside :-)
ReplyDeleteOh, ouch. Those are moments that make a mommy cringe. And just think, whatever you do with her will benefit you, too.
ReplyDeleteI love this post. When my Violet was about 2, she stood in front of the mirror, all sturdy and chubby and butt naked, and declared, "Momma, I am boootiful!" Oh, to feel that way! It sounds like you're doing a great job preserving this.
ReplyDeleteoh this was beautifully done. thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteYou're changing your life and in doing so, you will change hers too. You're on your way.
ReplyDeleteThis is stunning in its simplicity. The push-pull between our struggles and our desire to not pass them on.
ReplyDeleteAnd the love, so clear with each word.
You'll figure this out. Of course you will.
Continue make healthy choices and THAT's what she'll see.
ReplyDeleteI'm doing the same thing to my daughter that my mother did to me. Obsessing about my weight in her presence, so now she's too aware. We are back-tracking and talking about how it's about being healthy and FEELING your best. DOH!
You are doing well. Keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteWhat a lovely post! Body image and daughters. What a dilemma... Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteGood job momma! You are a beautiful person and I have no doubt that your daughter will be the same way. It's hard raising girls to have a positive self body image when we are so hard on ourselves...and you hit it spot on by saying you learn together.
ReplyDeleteI loved this post!!!
What a truly beautiful piece. She's a lucky girl, and I think you give yourself a hard time. The fact that you are aware and constantly seeking what is best for her makes you amazing in my book.
ReplyDeleteI love the reminder to see the world through my son's eyes.
ReplyDelete