Competition. What a perfect choice of topic for today. It's like Jana reads my mind sometimes.
This morning I slept in. I woke up late and caught someone's facebook status talking about their overnight breakfast disaster.
SHOOT!
I ran downstairs like a maniac reminded of my own.
Overnight Crockpot Oatmeal.
Slop. Glop. FLOP.
My husband worked at the garage - he has been for days - there's only so much I, at my height, can do, but I try anyway.
My daughter is in the way. I bring her inside and we work at baking a cake. Well, it's bread, but it's filled with chocolate swirl and I plopped it in my bundt pan, so it may as well be a cake, right?
She's in again. She's been asking me to go scootering for the past - well - HOURS. OH SO MANY HOURS.
In the midst of baking she starts sorting through one of my utensil drawers. She's creating a statue of wine corks.
SHe's pulling things out, piling them on the counter. She looks too cute. She's got her helmet on all freakin' day. Her knee pads, too. I'm not kidding. I instagrammed a pic of her. I'll share it here, too. Sigh.
Back to baking - I flopped - no typo there - i flipped. Flipped out on her. I lost it. I gave her the WHY!?! WHY!?! WHY!?! shout. You know the kind. I did that. I caved into my wall.
She's a good kid. I know it. I feel it. And yet she battles us constantly. SOmetimes just because. Other times because she is a kid who likes to do that. She likes to grind things to the bone. Do all kids do that? I don't know. I think they do and sometimes I think they don't.
And yet ...
Who am I competing with here?
Other mothers? My husband? The perfect mom? My child? Most often these things are not really the case. I know who I'm competing with here.
MYSELF.
I battle myself every single day. My mind. My heart. The way things are. Could be. Should be. It's forever a competition, isn't it?
The way we want and hope things will be and the way they often are?
I think my five minutes went over but the husband and child just came in to tell me that they found a black widow in the garage. Remind me to STOP going out there barefoot or just in socks, would you please?
And remind me to have that drink tonight. I bought three bottles of fun liquor last night. And sometimes I just deserve a cheers! And if she asks me one more time "Can we go scootering?" I might just bust into one NOW. It's 5 O'clock somewhere, right?
I think that even with the comparisons I make of others, I am really competing with myself, too. You are right about that.
ReplyDeleteI want to be a better me. Better than I was years ago, better than I was yesterday, even. I don't know if I can always win in a competition with myself, but I guess, I will keep trying.
"She's a good kid. I know it. I feel it. And yet she battles us constantly. SOmetimes just because. Other times because she is a kid who likes to do that. She likes to grind things to the bone. Do all kids do that?"
ReplyDeleteI don't know about ALL kids, but mine certainly do. I am always worried about whether I am screwing my kids with my parenting decisions, meltdowns, whatever.
My oldest is one who is particularly difficult. She came to mind when reading about your daughter bugging you to go scootering. Yes... this is my child. Ask, ignore answer, ask again, ignore answer, ask again, act offended when I answer irritably, stomp off and then come right back to ask again. Lather, rinse, repeat... ALL day.
Hang in there, mama. You are good enough, and I would gratefully share a glass of wine with you, if we were closer. :)
Slop, Glop, Flop. Love that, Andrea.
ReplyDeleteOvernight oatmeal just doesn't sound that great.
We've all been there. I lost it yesterday because my youngest refused to nap. She needs a nap. I need for her to take a nap.
I hate when you make a new recipe and it is a total flop.
ReplyDeleteYes. that is one of my many mantras---it's 5:00 SOMEWHERE. just not now, like at, you know, 9 a.m. LMAO!
ReplyDeletexoxoxox
I too, am my biggest competition - I can always do more - be better - it's just never enough. I know that place well!
ReplyDeleteOh, I think they just do that at this age. My current lament is that Pierce keeps singing the same song OVER AND OVER AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS. Paul and I are about to lose our minds over it. Sigh.
ReplyDeleteI did lots of French cooking this weekend, so I think I had my limit in wine for a while ;-)
I love that she was building a sculpture!
ReplyDeleteI think I would wear heavy shoes in your garage for awhile.
Love the car sticker.
ReplyDeleteI have one battler child and one who isn't (yet, at least) *sigh*
I think I'd park in the driveway from now on...YIKES!!
It's ALWAYS 5 o'clock somewhere. Right now for example!
ReplyDeleteI think if I were going to do make ahead oatmeal I'd do steel cut oats and reheat them in the morning.