It's so easy to use words like nuts, crazy, whacko, insane. I use them. I shouldn't - but I do. Usually about myself, so then it seems like it becomes okay. We can say what we want about ourselves, right? It's like I can battle my little brother to the end but someone comes near him and that's IT. I'm up in their face in a heartbeat. (We're grown-ups now, we don't battle anymore, I'm just sayin'.)
Mental health is kind of like that. I can talk about my own, and it took me some time to do so, but you try to not address that of others, lest you be looked at in a certain way.
And this time? Today? It's different.
I'm going to ask you to LOOK at your friends and loved ones. Take a good look.
For they might be struggling, too.
There are so many hidden aspects of mental health issues, so many things we don't recognize, we don't always know that a friend who cancels dinner plans 3-4 times in a row might be facing crippling anxiety. The mom who never wants to bring her kids to your house to play? Too depressed. She doesn't WANT to use the television as a babysitter. She just has to. She literally CAN'T bring herself to leave the house.
Your friend with the clutter? There might be some OCD tendencies there. They can't throw ANYthing away. (I know - I'm self-defined as a hoarder lite. I swear there's some OCD going on. I can laugh at it. But it's there.)
The new mom who isn't sure what's wrong with her? The one who is afraid to tell anyone but you just sense that something is off. Because you've been there. You know. You just know.
The momma-to-be who is afraid to leave the house. Imagining the worst? She needs you, too.
Can you reach out? Can you ask these people if they're okay? Can you remind them that they're not alone? All it takes is a question. An ear. A shoulder. A hug.
Look at these words.
Look at them.
How many of them impact YOU? Someone you love?
If you're looking at the big ones and saying, nah. I don't know anyone experiencing these things. I don't know anyone on meds to manage anything like that. Think again. If you think that these things don't matter - let me enlighten you - you're wrong.
SO many people out there are experiencing mental health related issues, and they're terrified to say so. The stigma that they see? Those words? "She's nuts. Crazy." "What is WRONG with him?" "What's his problem?" "I'm tired of her canceling plans. I'm done. Let her find some new friends to cancel on."
It makes so much sense to you to react this way. I'm not mad at you for doing so. I just want you to understand. Recognize there can be so much more than the eye can see. Use your gut. Sense it. Maybe offer to watch the kids while she takes a shower. Heck, a bath, even! Offer to come over to her house for the playdate. Pick her up if she's afraid to drive. Talk to him about YOUR therapist. Or your mom's. Whatever. Make it real. Make it normal. Make it okay.
Because it is. It's okay. Really.
And if it doesn't feel like it is, it WILL BE. I promise.
Because they aren't alone. They have YOU. And you know now. You know you can help.
And they hopefully know it, too.
Just do it.
Your friends need you. And I'm willing to bet that you need them, too.
Best lines: "Make it real. Make it normal. Make it okay." That's why we keep blogging about it. Thanks for this post. I hope it will prompt more of us to take a closer look at the people in our lives who may be struggling.
ReplyDeleteA fantastic post in every way. If we all reached out and really, genuinely asked how our friends were doing this world would be a better place.-The Dose Girls
ReplyDeleteHi Andrea, this is a great post! I did not know it was mental health blog day until I saw yours! Thank you so much. Your words of looking at those we love is so true! It is a well known fact that in many families temperso boil over in frustration with people who need help with theri mental health all the time! If we just look at each other and think about what might be going on, we just might be more help to our loved ones! Thanks for you post.
ReplyDeleteThis is has deeply impacted my family. I struggled with mild depression in my thirties. My mom has major mental health issues that have been challenging.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great post!
ReplyDeleteI never thought that it affected so many people until I was teaching and found out how many of the teachers I worked with were on anti-depressants.
I'm so glad you blogged about this. (You reminded me to participate again, as well!) It's so important!!!
ReplyDeleteSo many people do face it alone. Beautiful writing. Doing mental health support services has given me some interesting new perspectives on this. My client is an interesting and smart person but she definitely struggles day to day.
ReplyDeleteI shared your post here --> http://nomoreskaredykat.blogspot.com/2013/05/i-have-issues.html
ReplyDeletewith this comment:
I just read this amazing blog post this morning. It's about me. My friend Andrea wrote it. She may say it isn't about me, but it really is. She puts it into words much better than I ever could, so just go read it!
You inspired me to share too - thank you!
Thanks for posting about such an important topic! Thanks, too, for helping to give a voice to those of us who suffer from mental health issues.
ReplyDeleteFirst, let me say thank you for sharing your story and blogging about mental health. I am part of the Blog For Mental Health 2013 Project and I have pledged your blog. http://www.highheelshotflashes.blogspot.com/2013/05/blog-for-mental-health-201.html
ReplyDeleteI deal with Mental Health Issues everyday, given the population I teach. These children have so many issues and in some of them, you can just see the writing on the wall... they call it one thing because they are so young, but you know something bigger is down the pike and trying to get them help... it's an uphill battle.
ReplyDeleteExcellent post! Awareness, compassion, patience....
ReplyDeleteHello, Many people deal with mental health issues. I suffer from depression myself. I have been through some very rough times that caused me much anxiety. Nice site you have here!
ReplyDelete