So many days that there have actually been days where I did not hear her voice.
And ALL the days that I have not seen her face.
It's really really strange.
Bizarre.
Panic-inducing.
The first day that I realized I had not spoken to her was really weird.
It was almost midnight and my heart exploded.
Okay, fine. Not entirely. But it felt like it was exploding.
I turned to some amazing friends who listened to my carefully crafted words and totally understood.
The first time in her entire life that I did not hear her voice for an entire day?
Impossible.
And yet ...
It happened.
She's fine.
She's doing fantastic.
She's with her grandparents and cousins, and so of course I'm not worried.
I've never been worried.
Anxious, however - yes. Quite quite anxious.
To have her so far away. So far out of my reach.
It's painful.
It's terrifying.
And it's actually a really good thing.
My husband and I have had some time together without her little voice chiming in. Without some of her typical interrupting for attention behaviors.
We've had grown-up conversations. Gone to dinner whenever and wherever we wanted.
We even saw a movie at nine o'clock at night. TRANSFORMERS #900 - or whatever it was.
Mark Wahlberg was in it, so it's all good.
But that was a realllly lonnnng movie, by the way.
So we got to be grown-ups again, in a different way than we have been for the past seven or so years.
And it's been fun. And beautiful.
And we still can't wait to squeeze our kiddo again.
Soon. Very soon.
* I'll be linking up with Pour Your Heart out this week over at Things I Can't Say. Join me! *
It is so hard when you realize it is happening. I still miss my 19 year old baby, who has moved out, all the time. {{HUGS}}
ReplyDeleteIt is soooooo hard when they go away for the first time! Kudos to you and your husband for embracing some grown up time, that's really important. And squeeze her extra good when she gets home, she'll know you missed her :)
ReplyDeleteThose first times are hard. But it's also nice. We get grown up time, our kids get to do their thing. And then we're all happy to be back together.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to be away from them for the first time but there is something to be said about absence making the heart grow fonder.
ReplyDeleteMy work trips have left me missing my son more than ever. (He has yet to leave me for camp or grandparents or anything like that - since he's still under the age of 3.) I know he has a blast with my mom and my husband when I'm away. (Oh, and I'm totally reading this through the #typeaparent link up.)
ReplyDeleteMy daughter started staying with her Aunt who lives 50 minutes away for sleepovers when she was 2 or 3....knowing she's that close helps. But there's talk of her going on vacation with her grandparents and that makes me freak out a little even though I know she'll be fine and have a blast!
ReplyDeleteI hear ya. Dylan is on round 2 of "grandparent camp" in a 2 week period. This isn't our first time, but I still miss him like crazy. Can't wait to see him again tomorrow. Enjoy the quiet, adult time!
ReplyDeleteThose times are hard, when this little person who has become such a part of your awareness is suddenly...NOT.
ReplyDeleteBut this is a Good Thing. She's learning independence, that she can go out and explore the world for herself, and that you'll be there waiting when she comes home. And you're remembering who you were before you became Mom. Also a Good Thing, because someday, in not enough years, you'll go back to being that person full-time. It's good to practice every now and then :)
You are very fortunate to have Grandparents who are able to enjoy a visit with your precious daughter and take care of her so well it free's you from worry and gives you and your hubby couple time. Great post!
ReplyDeleteGlad to see you embracing your grownup time. I think your attitude You seem to strike the right balance between missing your kiddo and thinking "gee, this doesn't suck". The first time my daughter went to camp, I cried when I saw her popsicles in the freezer.
ReplyDeleteIt's always bittersweet to have the children gone and your adult time. I'm always a little sad when grownup time is over, but I'm always happy for hugs and kisses and unconditional love.
ReplyDeleteWhile I can understand you missing your sweet daughter, my perspective was completely different. My first thought was of the amazing time spent with grandparents and cousins. I hope she gets to make this an annual trip because it will definitely cement the bonds between those family members. We moved too far away for my parents to visit often and visa versa and the grandparent - grandchild connection has been tenuous. You will not regret this amazing gift you are giving them. (And the "adult" time without restrictions is pretty cool too!)
ReplyDeleteI have three boys and one girl. My daughter just turned 18 and will be going off to college next month. She will only be 2 hours away from home, but I will be freaked out! I'm so excited for her to start this new phase of her life but I cannot even tell you how much I will miss her. I know part of our job as parents are helping our kids leave the nest, but it's hard!
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