We all do things with good intentions.
I started blogging for the month of November and fell a bit short.
I didn't feel horribly disappointed. Life got in the way. I did my best. And that has to be good enough. Right?
It happens sometimes.
We do our best.
We try.
We feel as though we fall short.
We watch others succeed and are SO FREAKING HAPPY FOR THEM.
And we insist that we're not experiencing the 'why not me?' feelings.
And that's true.
I believe that.
I believe there are people out there who are genuinely happy to see their friends succeed.
And I even believe that there are people out there who witness these kinds of successes and don't think to themselves, or out loud where others can hear them, 'why not me?'.
But.
But I do think that people out there think to themselves, 'why me?'.
Why me?
It's different than why not me - isn't it?
It's not jealousy. It's not envy. It's exhaustion. Frustration. Hurt. Pain.
Why me?
It's such an easy thought for us to have.
Consider these ...
When I'm a good person who works hard, why me?
When I'm a person who loves with my whole heart, why me?
When I'm a friend to many and a listener to all, why me?
When I'm a giver of so many things, why me?
When I do things for my friends and loved ones all the time, why me?
These thoughts - many of us have had them - myself included. Maybe not all of them, but certainly some. And the why me is so very easy to fall into.
And it's almost a sibling of the why not me - but not quite. More like a distant cousin, maybe?
I don't know. Perhaps you look at them both and think they're the same.
I don't.
Maybe that's because this year has brought me several of these moments.
Moments that felt new, and others that felt repetitive. Old, even.
Perhaps because I recognize I can still be (and AM) thankful - despite them, or because of them.
Maybe it's because over the years I've tossed that saying about when things turned in directions I didn't want them to.
And maybe, maybe because I knew my intentions when I did have those feelings. They weren't a why not me and why them (whoever they are, you know them, too). But something else entirely.
I don't know if this piece is being written to help me feel a bit better.
Or if I'm writing it to help YOU feel a bit better.
But I'm reminding us both that neither one of us is alone.
Sometimes we feel one or the other. Sometimes we feel both.
Quite often we're simply trying to figure things out.
But what's most important are our intentions.
Remind yourself what yours are.
Take a moment to sit with them.
Let them inspire you to reach. To stretch.
And I'll do the same.
Thank you for this. I feel like I fall short a lot of the time. As a mother; as a spouse; as a friend. There's a word in German, schadenfreude, which means "happiness at the misfortune of others." I often wonder if there's a parallel word that means sadness at the good fortune of others, because surely there must be in a world like ours.
ReplyDeleteI guess its kinda relieving to know I am not the only one who feels this way, but on the other hand, I hate that you are feeling this way too! I had a big project I wanted finished by the end of the year. I have been so excited an passionate about it, but it not anywhere near the finish line. I try everyday to stay with it and really really want too! I see others that are so successful doing exactly what I want to do and I am truly happy for them, but underneath my happiness is sadness that I am not where they are! Take heart...........today is a new day with no mistakes in it!
ReplyDeleteThank you for articulating how to transform a moment of human frailty to an insight on how to be a more effective person. That's a great example of cognitive restructuring (making a silk purse out of a sow's ear). That's some great resilience. Gentle hugs and high fives to you, Andrea!
ReplyDeleteI think we all have those moments of not thinking we are good enough. But we are. And, it's okay to kick back sometimes without kicking ourselves for it. We deserve it.
ReplyDeleteLove this piece. I have felt both. I think it's nearly impossible if you are on social media and promoting yourself in some way to not feel that you are falling short, and that it's a constant competition. Thanks for the reminder.
ReplyDeleteI like your power of positive thinking. Why not turn those old tropes that let us get down on ourselves into a positive--a gratitude for doing as well as we do. Who needs perfection? It's not particularly lovable.
ReplyDeleteI am currently mulling over my own intentions for the coming year. Mainly, I'm just going to try to be better and do better than I did this year. Also: maybe pick a word as a theme/intention for the year. There's just so much work to be done it's hard to settle on just one (word). But intentions can always be more plentiful.
ReplyDeleteKim @ The ReInVintaged Life