It Comes Again

I am a girl without a father.

Father's Day is tomorrow and I am, currently, a girl without a father.

A woman, sure. But when I think of my dad I am and will always be a girl.

A young girl at that.

I had a father.

Don't get me wrong.

I had him for forty-one years of my life.

Forty-one? Two? Do I even remember how old I was when he left us?

Do I even know how old I am now?

My father passed in October of 2013.

Not quite four years gone by.

And yet.

This is the fourth Father's Day without him - is it not?

How does that math add up?

Can it?

It can.

It does.

Let me add to that ache.

For I just looked at today's date.

I just realized it's the 17th of June.

The anniversary of his father's passing.

The father of my father.

The man I never knew.

Never met.

Who I am named for.

Who left this earth forty-five years ago today.

They are together now.

This weekend.

Celebrating.

Singing and praying.

For although their reunion came too soon.

It gives me some solace.

That my father and his father are together this Father's Day weekend.

As I sit here. Alone. Without them.

I think.

I breathe.

I cry.

Oh, how I cry.

And then I breathe again.

Knowing that someday.

A long, long time from now.

I'll meet my grandfather.

And hold my father's hand again.

But in the meantime.

I'll spend the moments remembering.

Holding on ...

To the memories I share with my family.

Reminding my daughter of who her Zeide was.

Hearing his voice in my head and feeling his love in my heart.

Missing him so.

Because Father's Day -

It comes again.

Tweet