Reminiscing. Living. Questioning.

I spent a lot of time today reminiscing.

When you're a blogger you have an archive of many years of your life.

And if you're like me - maybe even memories written up of the years before that.

So so many memories.

So so many moments that I wouldn't change for the world.

Even though now, today, in this moment, I see that my world has changed so much.

I'm lucky to have had moments I've wanted to remember - even though right now I'm okay with forgetting.

Does that make sense?

Moments that made my insides flutter.

Moments that made my heart pound.

Moments that made me thankful to have gone through the things I did to get me to where I was.

Am.

Those moments. Those memories.

That kind of reminiscing.

Is it reminiscing when you do it by yourself?

I still wouldn't change them.

They're what led me to who I am today.

I've often said that I wouldn't change a relationship of my past because it's what led me to my therapist from years ago - who led me to recognizing so many aspects of my own worth.

Things I still hold on to.

Things I still remember.

Even on the days I question my value.

My worth.

All of it.

I know it's there. I know what I mean to many. I know who I am.

I know my value.

It's myself I question.

How can that be, you might ask.

How can I question myself AND know who I am?

To be honest I'm not quite sure.

I just know that's how things are for me right now.

And I know that - even though many people in my life will see this and read it and might worry about me - I know that I need to hit that publish button anyway.

[I'm okay, y'all. I promise I am. It's just been a DAY, ya know?]

Not just because it's November and I'm writing every.single.day.

But because I need for people who might be experiencing this same sort of impasse.

People who might be knowing who they are AND wondering who they may really and truly be.

Those people?

I need them to know that they're not alone.

There are a lot of us out here.

So. When you see me? Say hello.

I promise I don't bite.

Usually.

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